After a drawn out battle with photographer David Slater, United States copyright regulators determined that a selfie taken by a monkey with a stolen camera in the jungle could not be copyrighted. Slater, the owner of the stolen camera, said the monkey should be treated as his assistant. While laws according to man have been satisfied, the monkeys rights have been completely neglected.
The monkey’s terrible oral hygiene has been exploited, and he’s upset. In an interview yesterday, the monkey raged, “People think that because I’m a monkey I don’t have feelings. Now I’m the laughing stock of my tribe.”
As repulsive as it may be, this photo is being liked and shared like a bong in a frat house. The monkey later placed a direct threat on Slater. “I’d stay out of the jungle if I were you, David Slater. Unless you wanna have one mad monkey on your hands. Watch your back, man. Watch your back.”
When asked if he would be taking Slater to court for the damage done, the monkey stated that the revenge he seemed could not be achieved in the courtroom.
After the interview, the monkey stuck his finger up his bum, sniffed it, and ran away.
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